


if this is a test, i'm losing my shit

by kittybenzedrine



Category: Umbrella Academy
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jumpy Text, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-14 23:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3429776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittybenzedrine/pseuds/kittybenzedrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, it's best just to let him get it out.</p><p>Even if it is just high/drunken ramblings</p>
            </blockquote>





	if this is a test, i'm losing my shit

I am absolutely, positively bored. I also feel pretty bad, no lie. Met a guy at the club. The kid was good in bed, but he wasn't much more than that. That ID had to be fake. There's no way he's 21, he doesn't even look like he's even graduated yet. 18, maybe 19 at the most. Oh well.

See, I'm on a binge. Have been for a week. Haven't slept in that long, too. I've been doing enough coke to kill like three elephants. I've also drank enough to single handedly keep the liquor store open, but I'm not dead yet, so why stop? It's fun. It makes me feel good. So do the muscle relaxers. Vicodin, not so much. Makes me thirsty and you can't mix those with booze.

Ben would have begged me to stop and told me I'd become a drug statistic, but Ben's dead now and I'd be less inclined to listen to him. He doesn't even talk to me, y'know? My very best friend in the whole world, and he hasn't spoken a word to me since he kicked the bucket. Truth is, I think he's still alive out there somewhere. But I can't tell anyone else, because they all already think I've lost my mind.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. The kid. He was real cute. About my height. His skin was a real pretty shade of caramel, and he had these big brown eyes that just screamed 'innocent'. He blew me in the bathroom and then we went to his apartment and I gave him the best night of his life.

Kinda wonder why all these young, attractive people go for me. I'm washed up, in my 30's, and those two insane masked motherfuckers ruined my pretty face. Maybe they have a thing for older dudes that look like they lost a bare-knuckle boxing match with a grizzly bear.

There's a box of pop tarts on my floor and I have no idea where they came from.

I think my dealer got arrested. Haven't seen him in a while, but that's why I have other dealers. None of them have quite as good of quality stuff, but I'll survive.

Shit. What was I talking about?

Oh yeah. My face is really fucked up. I can't even smell anymore because Hazel and Cha-Cha fucked up my nose so bad. I'm considering plastic surgery. Maybe seeing about having some of these scars fixed.

One of the guys that I fucked, he was real cute. One of those trans type guys. He was great in bed, and since he had a clit, I made him come like 5 times. But anyways, we shared a cigarette after and he said he liked the scars. Told me they add character and make me look tough.

Makes me think. Ben liked scars too. Not on himself, just on others. He was so fascinated by piercings and tattoos and that stuff. Shit that we could never have while we were with the Academy. Except for my lovely tattoos, because I'm a badass and I never cared what the old hardass had to say.

He was such a pretty boy. God, Ben had such long eyelashes. His eyes are what I remember best about him. You'd figure with the white skin and hair, he'd just be full out albino and have red eyes, but nope. They were bright jade green. That's why I consider green the happy color, instead of my favorite color. But sunshine yellow is a close call.

I wonder what Diego's doing. I think he's been working nonstop. He needs to take a break. It would suck if another one of us died, especially since he and I got a little closer in Vietnam. I'm hungry.

I tired calamari for the first time a week ago and as soon as I got home, I puked. So lesson leaned, I can't handle tentacles going into me. Well, not like that anyways. I sure could handle Ben's inside of me. Hehe. Heh.

I've been thinking about him a lot. It kinda makes me upset. Like, out of all of us that could have died, it was him. As much as I hate the family, I didn't hate him. Out of all of us, it had to be him. He checked out so early. I'm still sticking to my belief that he's not really dead.

I bet Ben is alive and well, and he lives in some place like Texas or Arizona or New Mexico because we would never think to look for him there. He always hated extreme temperatures, but especially hot. I bet he has a normal, pretty wife, and a normal, white picket fence, and perfectly normal kids with a normal baby on the way.

I miss my baby. She was such a cute thing. I was so sad when her mother died in childbirth. I think... I think I'd really grown to love her. It fucked me up, bad. I had to watch her push with the last ounce of strength in her body and bring our baby into the world, and see her die in the process. She never even got to see her. But my baby girl is grown now, even close in age with us. I know Cham Soccho took good care of her.

I think about Luther too. He's still an asshole, but it's such a shame that he left. He needs to come back. We're all kind of fucked up, but I think we could work or something if he coached from the sidelines.

Have I ever mentioned that Five scares the shit out of me? He was a creepy little fuck when we were kids, and he's still a creepy little fuck that's off his rocker. But his puppy is cute.

You know, you're really good at listening. Thank you, Allison. I really mean it. Thanks. I know listening to me while I'm really high is hard, but thanks. I'm really sleepy, so I think I'm gonna go to bed.

Goodnight, Allison.

"... Call me back if you need anything else, okay? Goodnight, Klaus."

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this was hard to read.
> 
> If you didn't understand, Klaus was fucked up and actually having a like 3AM phone conversation with Allison.


End file.
